


Serendipity

by gunpowderlatte



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-24
Updated: 2013-11-24
Packaged: 2018-01-02 11:03:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1056011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gunpowderlatte/pseuds/gunpowderlatte
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There’s truth in the saying that you’ll find something once you stop looking for it. (In which Levi is part of the traveling circus and Erwin is going to be a father, and things turn out differently for them in this lifetime)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Serendipity

**Author's Note:**

> Long overdue fic written for the lovely [aaronized](http://aaronized.tumblr.com/), because I will never get over the fact that she drew the most amazing art for my fic, Moving Forward.
> 
> Based on her [prompt](https://twitter.com/russiafied/status/395088636607082496): _eruri reincarnation AU where they find each other but life turns out differently for both of them and they can’t be together again_

 

Erwin spends restless years searching.

But the world is seemingly infinite when there aren’t walls serving as boundaries; and no matter how hard Erwin looks or how far he searches, he doesn’t find Levi.

When Erwin turns twenty four, he falls in love with a girl named Lilia, and gradually his pursuit begins to slow, until it ceases altogether.

-

One autumn, Lilia begs Erwin to take her to the circus.

He has never been interested in such spectacles but a circus stopping by is a rarity for a small and forgettable town such as their own; and so Erwin buys tickets for the opening night while Lilia showers him with grateful kisses.

He watches her fondly as she scurries through town, boasting their tickets to every person she sees. He thinks about the traits that make her so unlike the person he’s loved in another lifetime, but it’s only a fleeting thought and he doesn’t think about it again.

-

There’s truth in the saying that you’ll find something once you stop looking for it.

When the aerial silks performance of the night comes on, the performer rises up as he spins in midair, flowing white silk coiling elegantly around his limbs. Suspended seven meters above, he contorts backwards, eyes closed and face beautifully at ease, with the comfortable finesse of someone who’s done this his entire life.

He lands with familiar grace when he descends and the audience applauses and cheers around him; but Erwin doesn’t hear any of it because in that moment, the performer’s eyes meet Erwin’s.

His step doesn’t falter and he’s looking away already as he twines his hands in silk again and maybe in this lifetime, he just doesn’t remember—

But then their eyes meet once more before he disappears behind a flutter of white.

Erwin watches Levi soar through the air, the silk spanning out from behind him like wings.

-

In this life, Levi wears remnants of makeup on his face and Erwin wears his heart on his sleeve.

But also in this life, Levi wears a ring on a chain around his neck and Erwin wears one of his own around his finger; and here, they stand at arm’s length like strangers, their smiles shattered around the edges, barbed by unspoken words.

Neither of them knows what to say—what would be the right thing to say—but Levi is the one to break the wall first. And because words aren’t needed for some things in life, he fists his hands into Erwin’s shirt and pulls him into a shaky embrace.

Immediately, memories long suppressed come crashing back like waves, and they hold onto each other like pillars, if only to not drown in them. Erwin lets Levi bury his face into his shirt and he feels the material dampen under him as he strokes Levi’s hair; he feels the tremors beneath his palms as he helplessly whispers Levi’s name like a broken mantra after a lifetime of not being able to say it at all.

-

_“I could never be in love with anyone else. I think that in any lifetime, I would still be in love with you.”_

But life is something humans aren’t free to control, and in this lifetime, while they finally found each other, they found other people first.

(In this life, while they still love each other, they are both in love with somebody else.)

-

“A lifetime since you’ve last seen your friend, huh?” Lilia teases, trying to hold back laughter. “You’re only twenty-eight years old, but you sure talk like an old man.”

Erwin laughs softly at that. He tucks a loose strand of hair behind her ear as he replies, “Well, what can I say? You’re married to an old soul.”

-

By the stream in the woods, far away from the lights, tents and caravans, the distant noises from the fairground mingle with hushed conversation.

“I met her when I joined the circus as a last resort to find you.”

Erwin blinks in surprise. “You joined the circus to find me? Why Levi, I’m not sure whether to be flattered or insulted.”

“Yeah, I was wondering if you came back as a monkey or something,” Levi jests, and he huffs out a chuckle when Erwin kicks him lightly in the foot, where both their feet dip into the cool water.

“I just thought if I joined the circus,” he continues. “I’d find you in one of the towns I’d visit. I hoped that you’d come to see a show.” He then nudges Erwin back gently and says, “Guess I was right.”

“To be honest with you, I don’t like circuses,” Erwin admits. “But you have Lilia to thank for my attendance last night.”

Levi clicks his tongue, feigning disappointment. “A boring old man even in this lifetime. How tragic.”

“Too much excitement in my last life, Levi,” Erwin responds, laughing. “Can you truly blame me?”

There’s a glimpse of a smile on Levi’s face then, and he shakes his head. “I suppose not.”

They sit in comfortable silence watching the water trickle past their feet while they listen to the muted activities of the fairground behind them.

“How far along is she?” Levi asks.

“About eight months.”

Levi lets out a low whistle. “Nervous?”

“Terrified, actually,” Erwin confesses reluctantly, digging his toes into the pebbles in the stream.

Levi turns to look at him. “Funny, I never thought you’d be scared of anything.”

“What father-to-be isn’t?” Erwin says, acknowledging the anxiety that builds up each day. “What if I end up being a terrible father?”

And there is confidence in Levi’s voice—complete trust one would only have from knowing a person for so long, from having given one’s whole heart to the other once before—as he responds, “What are you saying? You’ll be a great father.”

Erwin’s apprehension eases away. Levi has always been good at doing that, and he finds comfort in knowing how some things haven’t changed, even after all this time.

He knows the answer but he finds himself asking anyway, “Do you really think so?”

Levi squeezes his hand, where he’s been holding Erwin’s.

“As long as you take her to the circus, yeah.”

Erwin feels Levi’s heartbeat, familiar through his palm. He’s smiling as he says,

“Well, only if you say so.”

In the distance, they hear the faint giggling of gleeful children, the pattering of tiny feet running across the fairground.

-

At night, they lay awake in their respective beds, trying not to count down the minutes that seem to slip away like silk between their hands. But when they do fall asleep, they dream about the same things—arbitrary moments from a lifetime ago, flashing behind their closed eyelids like a series of lost photographs.

-

“Remember when I made the new recruits clean up headquarters as a training exercise?”

“Of course I do,” Erwin answers with a fond chuckle. “You picked on them quite a bit.”

“What? It was just my own way of showing that I cared,” Levi says, his kohl-rimmed eyes flashing mischievously.

“Well, they looked up to you regardless,” Erwin says and returns the pleased smile Levi gives at that response.

After a beat, Erwin asks, “Hey, do you remember Hanji’s failed experiment on that one titan?”

“Ugh, please don’t remind me,” Levi groans, petulantly splashing at the stream with his foot. “I spent an entire weekend sanitizing the place.”

Even if they don’t elaborate, they are both remembering the same thing: Mike smelling it from two floors up, the three of them breaking down the door to find a sheepish Hanji covered in titan gore, and Levi’s overly emotional reaction to the mess.

They burst out laughing in unison and as they double over, their rings glint as they catch the light from the fairground. Their laughter echoes into the night, subdued only by the trickling stream and the rustling of fallen leaves, until Levi speaks up, suddenly recalling another moment.

“Oh god, remember when…”

-

But there are certain memories they don’t talk about—

They don’t talk about the time they found each other and the times they almost lost one another.

They don’t talk about falling asleep together after an expedition and tracing fingertips around close calls.

They don’t talk about how hard it was to breathe when they were apart and then sharing the same breath once they weren’t.

They don’t talk about saying they couldn’t fall in love with anyone else and then finding out that they could.

They don’t talk about the little things that weren’t so little back then.

—because not talking about them at all is the only way to make their encounter in this life hurt that much less.

-

On the night before the closing show, Levi hands Erwin two tickets.

“Just thought maybe you’ll end up liking the circus upon a second viewing.”

Erwin laughs weakly, staring at the well-worn tickets in his hand and he swallows around a lump in his throat.

“Doubt it. But I guess I'll go for you.”

“Still so stubborn,” Levi murmurs.

And then he leans his head against Erwin’s shoulder, where they stay like that until the stream water begins to wrinkle the skin on their feet.

-

Erwin watches Levi soar for the last time.

“He’s so graceful in the air,” Lilia marvels next to him.

And Erwin tells her—

“He’s always been.”

-

“Will you come here again?” Erwin asks, carding his fingers through Levi’s hair.

Levi shrugs a shoulder, eyes still closed as he lays his head on Erwin’s lap.

“Maybe. Maybe not. You never know with these things.”

“That sounds like a farewell,” Erwin says, smiling wistfully.

Levi looks up at Erwin then, weary eyes blinking open and he says, “I don’t think it’s a farewell, whether we see each other again or not.”

At Erwin’s questioning look, Levi adds, “Because if we met in this lifetime, what makes you think we won’t in the next?”

Erwin’s fingers still briefly in Levi’s hair before he laughs softly and responds, “That’s strangely optimistic of you, Levi. I’m surprised.”

Levi smiles wanly.  “What would we learn from the lives we live if nothing ever changes?”

They both know the answer to that question well enough, but it is easier for Erwin to reply with, “Some things haven’t changed though, like your habit of asking rhetorical questions, for example.”

Levi allows a quiet chuckle at that. He says gently, “You know what I mean, though.”

“Yeah,” Erwin replies. “Yeah, I always do.”

They don’t say anything else, and Levi closes his eyes once more. They stay there until the noise from the fairground fades away, until all the lights shut off one by one.

But when it’s finally silent, when all they can hear is the stream and the hushed breathing between the two of them, Erwin calls Levi’s name.

Levi opens his eyes, and Erwin burns into memory this image of Levi in this life—the remnants of stage makeup on his face, the grayness of smudged kohl around his eyes, his lips slightly flushed with hastily wiped rouge. Here, he’s softer around the edges, his eyes less sharp as they gaze upon the world, and he looks so unlike the man Erwin fell in love with in another lifetime. But even now, he’s still stunning as he stares back at Erwin inquisitively and while Levi isn't wrong about learning through the different outcomes in life, if the timing was different—if the timing was right—there is no doubt in Erwin's mind that he would have fallen in love with Levi all over again.

So instead, Erwin tucks a loose strand of hair behind Levi’s ear, a habit he carried over from another life.

“Levi,” Erwin says again. “Are you happy?”

Levi smiles easily and it’s a breathtaking sight.

“I get to see the world with my fiancée, while doing what I love,” Levi answers. “Of course I am happy.”

And then Levi reaches up to cup Erwin’s face, stays there when Erwin places his hand over his; and Erwin feels against his cheek, the surprising calluses that the silk has left on Levi’s palms in this life.

“What about you?” Levi asks softly.

“I’m married to the love of my life and I’m going to be a father.” Erwin replies truthfully, “I couldn’t be happier.”

And suddenly, Erwin’s vision becomes damp and unfocused, but he thinks he can still see the hazy outline of Levi’s smile below him. He sees the golden blurs of their rings when Erwin reaches down to stroke Levi’s cheek, and he feels wetness there when he does, but he can’t quite tell who is responsible for it.

“We’re not quite good at goodbyes, are we, Levi?” he asks quietly.

“You’re so emotional,” Levi says, voice suddenly gone hoarse. “I told you this isn’t goodbye, didn’t I?”

But Erwin can’t help but ask, “Then what about tomorrow? What is that then?”

“Just me moving onto the next town. The show must go on after all.”

Erwin suddenly finds it hard to breathe and he helplessly implores, “Will you at least let me see you off tomorrow then?”

Levi nods.

“Just as long as you don’t say goodbye.”

And Erwin feels fresh tears where his hand rests upon Levi’s cheek, and he knows this time, they aren’t his own.

-

But life is something humans aren’t free to control, and in this lifetime, Lilia goes into labor a month early and Erwin becomes a father the same time Levi leaves on a caravan out of town.

(In this life, they never said goodbye, and in this life, they won’t meet again.)

-

Sometimes, Erwin passes by the barren lot where the fairground used to be.

He thinks to himself how it looks as if nothing was ever here in the first place, nothing but another distant memory of a fleeting week one autumn.

And then Eloise coos in Erwin’s arms and he looks down at her curious, blue eyes and he tells her—

“Don’t worry. Daddy will take you to the circus someday.”

 -

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

-

In another lifetime, Erwin forgets to bring his textbook for class and shares one with the quiet boy who sits in the back of the room.

“I’m Erwin. What’s your name?”

“Levi,” he answers shyly.

They end up falling in love, but in this life, they don’t remember each other.

 

But one morning in July, three years after their fateful meeting in that classroom, Levi stirs awake, rubbing at his tired eyes, and says—

“Erwin, I just had the strangest dream.”

Erwin breathes _._

“So did I.”

And they finally remember.

 

**Author's Note:**

> So I shamelessly based Levi’s performances entirely on these gorgeous performances by aerial silks performer Alexander Stretsolv:
> 
> I based [this](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TuvmGUoHpNw) performance for the first one--especially at the 0:51 mark where I imagined Levi would meet Erwin's eyes, followed by the double take before he takes off.
> 
> And [this similar routine](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wI0iJdHROc0) is what I referred to while writing Levi's final performance (even though I only ended up writing like four lines for that part oops).
> 
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
